i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Ā
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
