Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
