We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
