I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
