summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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