I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
