Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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