Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
