I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
