he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
