He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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