The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
