Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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