I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
