On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
