You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
