Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
