woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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