My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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