Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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