can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
