i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
