if you like me you must not know who I am
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
