I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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