you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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