Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
