My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
