As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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