So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
