Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
