That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
