youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We got so high we made milksteak
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
