the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
