So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
