I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
