the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
