When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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