He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
two words...techno handjob
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
