I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
