he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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