Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's just like the Real World with babies
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
