my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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