I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
