I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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