She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
