I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
