I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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