i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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