I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
