I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
