he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
