Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
