You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
