im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
