I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
